I was born in the countryside of China, in a place with mountains and no roads.
It was in a safe neighborhood, and everyone was like family. Doors were never closed. I played with my friends all day and I felt safe where I lived.
It was a poor village, but everyone shared everything. Everyone had free time that they can waste easily.
I only go to school for eight years. No one bothered me about getting more education.
When I came to America, I was twenty-one years old. I was excited to come to America where the sky was so blue and the air was so fresh, but I had a hard time with English. After I marry my husband, education became more important.
After my first baby was born, I had so much responsibility. I did not feel independent. Sometimes, I felt unsafe with so many responsibilities. I can’t drive. I feel like I can’t take care of this baby very well.
I felt helpless. I had depression. I was homesick for China and for my simple childhood.
Luckily, I had help from many people who care for me. My husband’s parent’s helped me learn to drive. They brought me to English classes.
I am a student now, part-time. I am with the children in the day. My husband helps when he can, when I go to class. I study to do nursing, but English is the hardest thing I have studied.
When I speak English, I have to think about how to organize my thoughts and my sentences at the same time. I read very slowly, trying to understand my school work.
Here there is always a chance to study. But not in China.
Here I can study nursing and make money and have a good job.
I have to do this. For myself and for my children.
Someday, I want to do things easily, the way I did them in China. I want to feel the same here, as I did in China.